What Could I Have Done to Save my Marriage?
Posted: August 1, 2017
Dr. Brian Stress, Psy.D.
Most likely, there is nothing you could have done to save your marriage if your partner wants a divorce beyond the obvious such as not physically, emotionally, financially, or sexually abusing your significant other. Unfortunately, there are as many reasons people divorce as there are stars in the sky (That was a sappy statement!). A healthy relationship consists of two individuals with hopefully the goal of developing and maintaining a relationship so both individuals receive more from the relationship than they put into the relationship. Unfortunately, at times, one partner may decide they no longer want to be in that relationship. We must respect their opinion even though it may hurt. This can be incredibly difficult but the other person generally has specific reasons, which may actually have nothing to do with you, as to why they want to end the relationship.
I think that most relationships are doomed for failure and cause constant pain of some sort if they choose to be involved in a relationship with a person who does not eventually place as much value and resources into the relationship as their partner.
All we can do about the past is learn from it, try not to repeat our mistakes, and move forward with our lives to the best of our ability. All humans make mistakes!
If you would like to ask Dr. Stress a question to be answered on this blog, please email your question(s) to
*Disclaimer: The materials provided in this article are for informational purposes only. Use of and access to this article or any of the links contained within the article or website do not create a relationship between the author and the user or browser. We are professionals that have been trained and have experience in assisting individuals going through a divorce. We are not lawyers and do not provide legal advice.
What Could I Have Done to Save my Marriage?
Posted: August 1, 2017
Nicole Myers, MS, LPC
This is a very difficult topic. Chances are if you are thinking this, you are feeling a lot of regret and guilt over the loss of your marriage. You may have felt you were doing everything you could but still failed to keep the marriage alive. Of course, it is easy to look back and see things differently than we did in the moment. So, could you have done things differently that might have saved the marriage, probably. But, then again, maybe it still wouldn't have worked out. Can you do things differently in your next relationship? Absolutely! Rehashing the past for the sake of changing the past doesn't fix anything. Identifying what went wrong for the sake of making different choices in the future can be greatly helpful.
So, if you have regrets about your choices in the past, write them down. Then, ask yourself honestly what you regretted about those choices, what you could do differently in the future and what might happen if you try that. Next, consider what worked in the beginning of your marriage, did you hold hands, say " I love you", or do other things that made you feel closer to your spouse? Did you make time for fun with your spouse and look forward to seeing them? Withdrawal from marriage happens long before divorce and is most noticeable by a lack of the behaviors that existed when the marriage was happy.
Many experts will tell you that communication is the key to a happy marriage. Maybe, but you can probably communicate just fine with another person and still not have similar interests or be attracted to them. We decide to get married when we want to spend the rest of our lives with another person; we look forward to that life and enjoy our spouse's company immensely. The key to making a marriage work is having fun with that person, they are a part of what makes us happy in life and we feel better after time spent with them, as do they.
*Disclaimer: The materials provided in this article are for informational purposes only. Use of and access to this article or any of the links contained within the article or website do not create a relationship between the author and the user or browser. We are professionals that have been trained and have experience in assisting individuals going through a divorce. We are not lawyers and do not provide legal advice.
|